So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
