Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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