this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
