yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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