finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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