Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Randomize
