Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
