I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
