Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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