either way he was missing a nipple.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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