im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
