remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
