Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
