two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
