ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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