at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
