OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
did you just send me my own nude
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
