i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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