i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
