I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize