i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
