I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I need water and some morals
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
