you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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