Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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