6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
