I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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