I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
