I'm eating all of the evidence.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
