you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
