Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
