Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
