just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
