apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
