I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
