So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
