fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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