She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
