Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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