your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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