genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
