How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
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