you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
