Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
