The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
