So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
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He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
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Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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