sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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