Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Can't talk, ducks in the car
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize