Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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