In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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