honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
