the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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