So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
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you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
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Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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