I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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