Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
