me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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