Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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