i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
why do cheetos always look like penises
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
