im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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