Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize