so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
This is not my ceiling
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
