just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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