oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
