I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
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I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
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I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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