google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
