just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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