Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
