I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
you had me at cake vodka
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
