I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
