Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
