i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
How external is "for external use only"?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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