everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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