There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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