He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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