she looked like the before picture.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Randomize
