At least make sure they are 18
Why
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
