we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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