Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
