its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
