ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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